hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
