if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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