you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
