trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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