I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
