do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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