The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't think brook has ever known best
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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