You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
