My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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