i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
