So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
