Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
