And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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