The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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