I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
