he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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