My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
