The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
