i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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