I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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