im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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