I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's never too late to be topless.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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