How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
