In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
