shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
