Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
