so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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