I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
