New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
