i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
