The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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