just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
