he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I seem to have left my pride at pride
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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