so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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