I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
