She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
