No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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