I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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