Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize