Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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