i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
