going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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