I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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