matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Randomize