tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
