I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
