so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
