ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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