I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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