It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
