i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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