did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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