Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
