Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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