That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am naked and annoyed.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
