I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
