I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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