Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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