The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
