You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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