went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
