Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
