Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
