I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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